


The Two Hokage

by altrashtor



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Gay, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:02:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28784637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/altrashtor/pseuds/altrashtor
Summary: "Yes, Sasuke. This whole time."
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 5
Kudos: 43
Collections: Fanfic Cafe, Foxy fox 🦊





	The Two Hokage

**Author's Note:**

> I have never read or watched any Naruto universe media. I have, however, spent a couple hours on the subreddit for Naruto memes, attempting to glean from fandom in-jokes what the show is all about. This is the result of that research, written for the enjoyment and frustration of my Naruto-loving friends.

The rain fell onto the Hidden Leaf Village like kunai in the Fourth Shinobi World War. The sky had grown dark hours ago, but the work of the Seventh Hokage never ceased; there were always new plans to approve and missions to organize. Naruto sat behind his desk while pouring over stacks of documents, the room lit only by a lamp beside him. His head rested in his hand, the other leafing through papers as he tried to take in the weekly reports. By this hour, each word had begun to run into the next. Which D-rank missions had been completed last week? How had the recent chunin tests gone? Were there enough wood style trained shinobi for this season's infrastructure renovations? He had just read the data, but couldn’t have ventured a guess as to any of the answers.

Naruto leaned back in his chair to give his tired eyes a rest. The room around him was a testament to his rise to the top of the ninja hierarchy: pictures of his old Team 7, the drawings his son Boroto made as a young child, sharingan of defeated foes suspended in glass jars. After a lifetime of training and fighting, he had finally become the man he once dreamed he would, and had brought peace to his village. Why did it all feel so… empty?

Naruto became suddenly aware that the office was very much not empty; he wasn't alone. He jumped into a defensive position and scanned the room with his Look Around The Room no Jutsu. His eyes caught a dark outline of a man under the Big Hokage Hat he had on the hatrack by the door. 

He smiled. "You know, from this point of view, you really do look like the Shadow Hokage."

Out from the shadows stepped Sasuke Uchiha, as angsty as the day his entire clan was slaughtered.

"How long have you been in here?" Naruto asked. "I didn't hear a door or window open."

"I've been practicing my Sneaky Teleportation no Jutsu. I've become as silent as our parents' graves." Sasuke cast his gaze away; he appeared to be gathering his thoughts.

Naruto leaned back on his desk. It had been so long since the two had been alone like this. The tension between the two reminded him of their final fight after the end of the war. That all felt so long ago now.

"What brings you back into the village this time? Here to see your wife and kid, for once?"

"Hardly," Sasuke said. "I'm used to Sakura being the useless one, but when I'm with them I feel like I just get in the way. It's better with me gone, for all of us." He sighed and implemented his Crossed Arms no Jutsu. "Not that you'd understand what that's like, to be the absent father."

"Are you kidding? Being Hokage takes all of my time and energy. Boruto is a needy little shit who doesn't understand how much work I do to keep this place afloat."

Sasuke chuckled a bit at that. "I still can't believe you named your kid Boruto."

"And Hinata is worse, I swear. I spend half my ridiculous amount of chakra making shadow clones to keep her content. Cooking, cleaning, all the errands of the house. Still, it's 'Naruto, do this for me', 'Naruto, do that'. I could run a chain of shadow clones on her ass and rail her 24/7 and she'd still not have enough Naruto in her life." 

The Hokage had an episode-long flashback to the week before. "Trust me," he said with shudder, "I've tried. The Gangbang no Jutsu only holds her back for so long. You're a lucky man, Sasuke, to have such an independent wife. I bet the physical space really enhances your wood jutsu, if you know what I mean."

Sasuke stared out the window at the dense sheets of rain, a wistful sigh passing through his lips. "You know, sometimes you go through 720 episodes of life, trying to figure out what you want, but end up accepting the easy way out. I love my kid of indeterminate gender, but Useless Sakura just doesn't cut it for me. I need more… power in my love life."

“Perhaps… well, perhaps I can help with that.” Naruto focused his chakra and executed his famous Sexy no Jutsu technique. In a moment, the Hokage had transformed into a blonde bombshell of a nude woman, with legs up to here and curves in all the right places, only tendrils of smoke covering her massive dobonhonkeros. She gave a wink to the dark haired guest.

“No, Naruto, you know your Sexy no Jutsu has never worked on me. That’s not what I need right now.”

Naruto’s hot lady form pouted, before reverting with a “poof” back to the fully clothed Hokage. “Then what do you need, Sasuke? Tell me.”

Sasuke peered through his 2004 Gerard Way fringe. His eyes met Naruto’s, and with the intensity of a 2-day war spanning 217 episodes simply said, “...You.”

"Nani?!" Naruto anime-fell in shock, his limbs a tangled mess as he collapsed between frames.

"It's always been you, Naruto. Ever since you were my first kiss at the tender age of 13—even if it was an accident—you've lived rent free in my head ever since. I thought that I couldn't stop thinking of you because I wanted so badly to grow stronger than you, to beat you to become Hokage. I spent my entire life doing everything in my power to rise to the top.

"My brother once clasped me against a wall and told me that I was weak because I 'didn't have enough hate.' I believed him. I let those words mold me, shape me to become the man I am today. In the end, Itachi destroyed the Uchihas, but did it all for the peace of our village. By the time I knew the truth, it was too late, Naruto. I was a traitor to the Hidden Leaf Village, to all shinobi. I did, like, a ton of crimes. I went from wanting to defeat the fox demon boy that the village feared, to becoming the man that the village hated."

He stepped closer to Naruto, who was now back on his feet. Their faces were so close that each could feel the other's warm breath. Their eyes met, and Naruto realized that he had never noticed how very sultry Sasuke's mismatched eyes were; each told a story of gratuitous trauma through a series of alternating flashbacks.

“Back then all I wanted was to be the hatred that connects the world,” Sasuke said, his hand coming up to trace Naruto’s jawline upward and rest on over the fox whiskers on his cheek, “but now, all I really want is to be the man that's connected to you.”

Naruto's face flushed. "S- Sasuke, I had no idea! In truth, I used to think I was in love with Sakura, but now that we're so close together I think that I just wanted to be her if it meant I could have even a sliver of your affections."

"Hush now." Sasuke brought his finger to Naruto's lips. "The time has passed for Talk no Jutsu. It's time for Lovemaking no Jutsu." 

And the two fell into a night of passion unlike anything the village had ever seen, not even in the pages of one of Kakashi's raunchy novels he would straight-up read to children. The windows of the Hokage's office steamed to full opacity as the Seventh Hokage released the nine-tailed fox unto Sasuke's entire ass. As once has been told to them long ago, "Sometimes you must hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, lose in order to gain because life's greatest lessons are learned through pain." In that moment, Sasuke felt that deep, deep within himself.

As the faintest light of dawn fell upon the village, Sasuke gathered himself and prepared to leave, his straight black locks now as on end as Jiraya’s hair.

"Wait!" Naruto cried out. He rushed to his desk, taking an object from inside the bottom drawer. "I want you to have this." He handed Sasuke a forehead protector, fabric headband torn and plaque dull from age. On it was inscribed the Hidden Leaf Village symbol, with a single horizontal line scratched across the surface.

Sasuke's eyes widened. "Is that…"

"You left it behind all those years ago, and I couldn't bear to abandon it. Take it, please. If not for the pride of the village, take it to remember me."

Sasuke held the emblem, and a rush of flashbacks filled his vision for consecutive several episodes. "So, this whole time, you-"

Naruto interrupted the disgraced shinobi, lacing his finger through his hair and pulling him into a heartfelt kiss. As he pulled away, he pressed their foreheads together and smiled.

"Yes, Sasuke. This whole time."


End file.
